How to Love, Me

i hate to sound bitter or even ungrateful. i hate to sound angry or even to seem as if ive lost hope...but man sometimes i wonder if i should or have.  i hate that at midnight i really didnt know where to go instead i just relaxed at home sleeping maybe even snoreing...i dont know.  i followed my heart, hoping it would lead me to my dreams instead i have a list of individuals who turned out to not be who they seemed.

i could list the names from a to z but please that wouldnt make any since.  instead i move forward in hopes of dreams opened that i must have missed.  i love him and only him he loves me too but in the end love just isnt enough to make it do what it do. 

he loves me i care for him true but thats not enough for me to hang up the me for two.  im just me. little young me. wishing i could be more than just me sometimes but not at the sacrifice of who i am.  i dont want to have to hold my tongue because you dont understand the words that i say.  i dont want to be angry coming home because you had a bad day.  i dont want to have to argue to get emotion out of you. i dont want to have to cry just to get arms wrapped around me from my boo.

i want more. i want so much more. i want love i want real love i want to open my Bible and read the comparisons and be like - i got that - i have that- someone loves me just that much.  i dont want pride to run his blood or controll his actions.  i know pride is necessary but dang its also not okay. 

i want to just know that he loves me from the look in his eyes know that he loves me without having to open my thighs.  i want to feel the intimacy of someone wanting to get to know me.  not for what i have but for who i am you know  ... why i am me.

love takes time but healing takes even longer and best believe my days havent been easy and my nights even harder.  i miss my once was, but not enough to keep me from the to be continued...instead im open to someone else writing the Future Menu...