When

I don't even know when I'm just aware, I'm in it could be to much it might not be enough but its nice for once to not feel untouched

How did i get to this moment?

Realizing all the love I want to share is not being received by someone in return? How could I go from many wanting to love me to no one loving me?

Unmistakable

Heart break.  Trying to go from the last to the next. My air is not visble only the traces of pain every second someone calls mentions your name. I wanna be happy for you your dreams are coming true but all I feel is saddness for what you left me to do. 

I find myself sad for what seems like no reason when I'm only trying to not show my true feelings. I'm heartbroken. 

My Wedding day

I dreamed it was my wedding day and the ccongregation was packed.  We had it at park ave because it was the largest I asume but that was all wrong. Wyy would I when I haven't even desiredto be there in years?   I was marrying whom. Thought I wanted to marry too but even that felt wrong. Was I marrying 2b married? Was I marrying the right person? Was imarrying for the right reasons? Was I sealing my fate and gaurenteeing unhappy?  Where was my father? I had done everything in such a rush, he wasn't given time to get here.  Why wasn't he walking me down the isle?  There was an awards cermeony for t&f fr cj n the middle and I was so pissed, I walked out. I took backseat, on my wedding day in the middle right after the part where they ask if there is anyone who doesn't feel these two should wed and I held. My head in silence.  Whenthe awards ceremony began I ran in the bathrrom and I cried. Cried for confusion cried fr me not knowing what to do next.  My daughter came to see about me no. One else.  When I stepped out, I saw Sir Knight.  It amazed me because even he was wearin shays and said this us a time of self reflection... I ran back inside the restroom asking how could I call off this wedding when it had gotten so far?   Then, I realized, I hadn't seen the groom. He hadn't checked on me.  More tears, and my hair was nappy not pretty for a wedding day.  I didn't feel beautiful. Just tears and saddness.  What a nightmare! Biggest day of your dreams, and I dreamt up, this nightmare