Grieve

I'm told I need counseling and that's most likely true. But what can u say to the counselor besides I miss you?  I get angry when u think of all that you never got to do I get pissed and upset and remain confused.  I don't like not knowing but realize the past is for s reason and I probably should let it rest. Yet the new I try the more issues surface.  I do trust in the Lord but I also want to hear him speak if he is telling me to do I don't want to miss interpret the ink.  Now I'm in a world where everyone seems soo untrue.it doesn't make me feel secure at all because the comfort of you is just gone so through.

I realize now that I've been searching for sometime now for a filled void unsuccessful because you are no conquest that could h misplaced.

I don't have a mother,a friend a confidant.I can't trust,I can't depend I can't...I just can't.  LORD ALMIGHTY I CRY, did you take her for peace?  Was it her time and I'm holding on to her unjust sleep..  n

Friends don't get me mom, no one seems to understand I am however the st you are gone. 

How Long

Have i been liviing inside myself?  Hiding behind wat i know how to do with the fear of what. I do not?

Sticks And Stones

Gosh long road from those. ...so words can hurt.  I use to really believe they could not.  I dont know why proving innocence is so important when its only rep on the line. Shouldnt it be enough u r ok?  Shouldnt it be enough ur home is well?  Shouldnt it be enough u have the needs met?  Why isnt it enough?  It should be.

Each moment is in connection to the next moment and the last moment as if they are the only moment to matter. Yeah, in the moment you through the stones, you didnt expect the heart to shatter like it was a twig of a stick did you?

Crying to Sleep

I celebrated my birthday with friends. Its like i can finally see myseelf as alone as ive been for awhile. It doesnt help though.  Knowing.  It just makes me cry more. He let me know good news in his life today while im crying on the inside.  I mean why me?  Why not me?  Im just another one...another cryer another sad one crying out for help from you Lord.

Off the map

Slowly I see me, not being market able.

Trust and Believe

Im my worst nightmare.  I create new ways to be in dispair.  Not just mine but theirs instead of living like the peace linguing everywhere.  Breaking out seems impossible but wont be. Instead ways will be opened as God intended it to be.

I MISS YOU

I miss you more as the holidays draw nearer.  Im not sure if its your voice or maybe your smile but its you.  I miss planning and plotting to see who can out gift the other. I miss all the laughter and surprised faces too. Now i feel like a part of me is missing as more years pass and i am trying to move forward.  Gosh,
I
Miss
You.
I thought for sure wed be happier together.  I didnt ask for much...did i ? As long as you love me...was my real demand.  Not every song reminds me of you so i am getting better.  But some songs...just do. 

I
Miss
You.
I want to be happy for you.  I want to i do. But that want isnt in my will...leaving a lie.  I cant be true to me by being honest saying i want what was mine for you with someone else.  

My heart is broken.  Still.  I Miss You. I still do.