Sticks And Stones

Gosh long road from those. ...so words can hurt.  I use to really believe they could not.  I dont know why proving innocence is so important when its only rep on the line. Shouldnt it be enough u r ok?  Shouldnt it be enough ur home is well?  Shouldnt it be enough u have the needs met?  Why isnt it enough?  It should be.

Each moment is in connection to the next moment and the last moment as if they are the only moment to matter. Yeah, in the moment you through the stones, you didnt expect the heart to shatter like it was a twig of a stick did you?

Crying to Sleep

I celebrated my birthday with friends. Its like i can finally see myseelf as alone as ive been for awhile. It doesnt help though.  Knowing.  It just makes me cry more. He let me know good news in his life today while im crying on the inside.  I mean why me?  Why not me?  Im just another one...another cryer another sad one crying out for help from you Lord.

Off the map

Slowly I see me, not being market able.

Trust and Believe

Im my worst nightmare.  I create new ways to be in dispair.  Not just mine but theirs instead of living like the peace linguing everywhere.  Breaking out seems impossible but wont be. Instead ways will be opened as God intended it to be.

I MISS YOU

I miss you more as the holidays draw nearer.  Im not sure if its your voice or maybe your smile but its you.  I miss planning and plotting to see who can out gift the other. I miss all the laughter and surprised faces too. Now i feel like a part of me is missing as more years pass and i am trying to move forward.  Gosh,
I
Miss
You.
I thought for sure wed be happier together.  I didnt ask for much...did i ? As long as you love me...was my real demand.  Not every song reminds me of you so i am getting better.  But some songs...just do. 

I
Miss
You.
I want to be happy for you.  I want to i do. But that want isnt in my will...leaving a lie.  I cant be true to me by being honest saying i want what was mine for you with someone else.  

My heart is broken.  Still.  I Miss You. I still do. 

The Climax

This has reached its climax my heart cant take anymore
Im screaming and clawing unable to swim to shore
Is it our past? Hasit been too much?  Did you harden your heart and not b able to move completly forward?
I cant sleep this way I cant breathe this way. Im suffocating and i am in open oxygen state

How to Leave

Sometimes i admit, that its all a lie. The image seems so real.  I break down and cry because its what i want, half. Searching for excuses t accept the half truths i am on an internal battle.  I make excuses to why this works but never can i rationate all the hurt.

I think that for the best future you must learn from and make changes to the mistakes of your past.  What to say if we go on and on reflecting the aches, reliving the whys and questioning the hows? Im all confused.  Another excuse. Im not confused. I know what to do.  Leave. 

But how?