Only in Movies

Does happily ever after exist.  Ive seen several versions and honey this anit it.

High in the castle I see the King.  Angry and bitter as also the Ex Queen. Time has not been kind nor healed all the wounds.  Sad as I say it, i can only bare witness to slanted views. 

The Prince is broken from years of breaking. He is not able to let go of the wrong for him fair maiden.  He tosses and turns to where he is empty and hallow and only slips to temporary peace when dreams of ending it are present.

The villains are disguised as friends so foe is hard to tell while everything else keeps on as if nothing is there to tell.

Only in movies is there a happy ending.  In reality you dont get to do so.  You must keep on living.

Fly Away

From my own thoughts hurts pains confusions disappointments irritations insecurities...
Impurities
Lord I will fly away from the lo loneliness and regret
As My own body forgets all the things it has kept and all the thoughts undelt with
I will fly away from the early mornings drinks of emptiness
Eyes crying for soul seeing peace seeking clarity for me to feel again
Oh Glory I will fly away
Not yet instead I have nothing left but the truth felt of me needing longing to be more than a failing hinderment to the Kingdom
What will it take for me to feel one with Him again? To feel the okay and know this really is the right way as I glide into the next day?
Hear my cries oh Father I'm not ready to die Heal me Lord inside outside rightside Heartside Left...Father in Heaven I am beside myself in it all knowing I can not heal without You saying it is To Be Done
Not a joke I dont play with you I know your power is greater than I could ever fathom
Acknowledged Lord I acknowledge accept seek to aquire you Lord and all you want in this vessel that longs to ...fly

Almost Impossible to Understand

I wonder if anyone will ever hear the songs in my heart.  Or even IF humans can understand how much God loves us. If we did,  we wouldn't doubt as we do.  Sin as free or even worry as we do.   I use to tru to understand but know I'm not capable.  I need the holy spirit to intervene where i am ignorant.   Cover where i am open and comfort where i am vulnerable.

My heart constantly sings . .. ...but the beat cant be heard by the average ear. 

Worth so much moe

The loovvveee
Use to be . Now it is like pulling teeth.  You can't express what you can't feel.  You can't feel what you can't forgive . 

Sometimes

I want to quit too.  I want to say fuck it all I am over this shit and you too.  I am through with the disrespect.  Taking care of all this shit too. Frustrated with the bills and crap I suffer through.  Taking care of this taking care of that why must I deal with that too?  You the only one in your feelings? Do mine not count? Does my title make me not important? Am I supposed to take everything you push out? Just because you trying to figure shit out? What point did I become the target for residential mess? At what moment did you decide i should take all the stress?

Newsflash a day ago a night away and what do you know? I am over all this let me get to the door.  Hurt goes many ways and you should know just because its your turn doesnt mean its okay to go at my throat.  

Im tired too. Sometimes it is my heart that you break in two.   Three  four  five six seven pieces.  I cry no one even hear my distress.  You feel alone? How do you think I feel? Over and over again rejected when my love is past real? Im hurting too.  You need to know someone else is affected by what you thought affected just you.

Thoughts

Oh How I WONDER If
My desires well ever be fully controlled. I see him,  and desire wyd at he represents.   My memories are the deep pleasures fulfilled time and time again.   I don't have regrets or curiosity anymore from him.  Just wonder if my desire will ever be over or if it's mutual.  I met hid eyes as he looks when I do but I don't push any envelopes as to where to go with those eyes. 

I wonder if the last time was the last time or if the next time if the last time.  Or if just time will clear out my concern wholly.   I spend little but enough time with him on my mind.   Not lusting just wondering about him.   Going to have to give myself a new project with healthy thoughts as Smokey just isn't so.

Worse than A Brokenheart

Is broken trust.  I watched with my eyes his wanting but decision being made to no longer trust me.  If these were my confessions, I can't blame him nor would I blame me.  I reminded him that he told me first to go find what I wanted regardless of how many times I told him he was it.  Only to come back ... would it be different?  Would he believe he is enough?  I can't change anything that was.. nor can I say what will be.  I can only admit that I am me.

I am told I am beautiful,  sexy.  I know I am intelligent.  I have been told that I am crazy.  That's true.  I am better happy as unhappy I am unstable in relationships. I don't do well with the word no.  Like if I want it, the answer should always be yes unless it hurts me. I love hard, I can care less, and I am sure to leave you without a dull moment. I make mistakes and I forgive you for yours. Just don't treat my heart like a mistake and misuse it.  I am intelligent but dangerous because I choose then face the consequences but I choose me first regardless whom is affected.  Might call me selfish but I call me sure. 

I didn't mean to hurt him I was just tired of him neglecting and hurting me.  I see there are worse things than falling away from love there are the falling so deep in tormoil that you refuse to come out refuse to trust unharden your heart. Trust is the foundation of everything.   Admitting now that it's gone, it's gone.   That means unless it is regained nothing can be gained. 

Time,is what we don't have.