If I'm honest with myself, my heart is so broken. It's so many events I can't give credit to one. I watched tonight and I didn't realize the extent to my heart being broken. I s purple who have been this way always and needed each other for the way of life to continue. For her she was his world and he treated her as such. However he needed get to help encourage his validity. I saw them and I couldn't get angry because or hurt. I saw that I am open and up front and that that was not what they were ready for. They are honest amongst their circle of life but unable to grow beyond that leaving room for gossip. Part of me wanted to rock it all and throw the infidelities to the wind but realized it probably wouldn't matter. They need the illusions so much they wouldn't let go even with the truth in front of them.
No I didn't a see perfection on my step. I saw the pain and confusion as to why my world spends the way it does. How all the piece was not peaceful. How pain was a lie because suffering was so relative. The reality is worse then assn illusion could ever be. I can see through it and still steady stay. That shows me the fear to let go Is always forced and into a much painful state. That's probably the only way I would let go, that I'm trapped by my own insights. That insanity and insecurity run together.
That when it's all said and done it really is just me.
